Shut Up, Bands

Hello. Sorry for lack of updates recently – new job, innit. Anyway, our submitter writes: “My old band played with these people a couple of years ago… besides the sterling quality of the video of them “ripping it up” in some working mens club I’ve always enjoyed reading their reviews.. my favourite -

“PAUL – IPSWICH, UK
I had not heard of this band until I did a support slot at a punk fest in Ipswich. Live the band are very tight and energetic. I bought the CD from Interpunk with great expectations, I’m pleased to report that I have not been let down, as this is the best album I have purchased for quite some time. The guitar riffs are melodic and crisp giving the band a distinctive sound which I have to say is outstanding. The bass guitar fills the back line giving good dept to the sound, with owesome bass lines to rival any bass player you’d care to mention. The drummer keeps it tight with a milatry precision. The vocals are in tune with decent power with lyrics about life. 10/10 Can’t wait for the next album. Rating: 5/5″

“10/10 AND 5/5?? Amazing…”

This paradoxical aspect of Lady Gaga is something that deserves to be analyzed and understood. While masses of young people imitate Gaga’s brain-dead persona, the subversive symbolism surrounding her art still reaches the fan’s subconscious. She is not the Antichrist though (last I’ve heard), she is simply one of the many pop stars sending out similar messages to the public. Combined with Hollywood movies, TV shows and commercials, media outlets are programming young minds to think and act a specific way.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner.

While there’s plenty of geographical signifiers on their debut, it’s almost topographic in its approach, without hooks and choruses so much as map-like layouts of mountains and sloping valleys.

Shut up, Pitchfork.

Something more locally, do we think it’s possible this review was written by a sound engineer?

The most obvious thing to begin with is how good the **** sound live. Some bands are predominantly studio acts who don’t quite achieve – on-stage – the high production levels they regularly get in a recording. The reverse is true for other bands – they are energised by the audience, able to squeeze a fraction more from themselves in their live performances than their studio work. The **** cut right across these two categories. Their studio work is tight, punchy and professional and their live performance cuts it on every single level.

They have an edge that many punk rock icons might have had once upon a time, before forgetting what it’s all about. The **** are lean and hungry. And British. And professional. The band let absolutely no-one down; they perform 100% for the crowd every time they’re on stage.

This isn’t a band doing covers, this isn’t a talentless bunch of no-ability, no-chancers getting by on material written for them. These boys perform their own material – and it’s chart material right from the outset.

They only perform 100%? We expect nothing less than 110%. Sorry.