Shut Up, Bands

LOL wut.

[via Buzzfeed]

Sometimes, bands just like to copy us in on email discussions. Well, this has only really happened one time and we never got to see the response from the promoter, if there was one.

A band responds to a gig offer from a promoter.

From our discussion I understood:

you hire a venue with a capacity of 100 people
you book 6 bands
you charge 5 pounds on the door
you keep all the money from the first 10 people there to see each band
any more than 10 people for each band and the band gets 100 percent of the money
you promote the event via facebook

So that means if the place is full, each band has brought 16 people (this adds up to 100, roughly) so each band can make a maximum of 30 pounds for the extra 6 they bring, yet you earn 300 pounds. You told me that you keep the money to cover your expenses.

Following our discussion I called the venue and asked how much to hire it. They told me 65 pounds.

We’d all like a job where you earn 235 pounds to make a facebook event and a few phone calls and to have people working for you for a tiny amount of money. Dress it up as you want but it’s clearly an attempt by a chancer to make a few bucks off of other people’s art. Bit of an awful thing to do. Why don’t you get a real job?

Thanks for the offer, but I’m gonna say no.

The Geffen-signed Brother, previously emo pop band Kill The Arcade, now styling themselves on Oasis and renamed Viva Brother, a band we’re not sure actually exists outside the NME, played some festival or other called Glastonbury a few days ago on the ‘Other’ stage and dropped this quote. “‘We had an ace night, last night. Now we are having a come down, we’re coming down faster than the Twin Towers.” Just in time for their US tour as well!

We got ‘tweeted’ at by @team_kropp to check out this ‘hottt’ band. “Any questions, ask me,” she helpfully added. I do have a question. WHY? WHY HAVE YOU SENT THIS TO US?

Man, those fans of The Blackout are angry, angry people.
Shut up, fans.
We’ve nothing against Pledge Music when it’s used in good ways, but ‘offering’ fans to pay to be their roadie for a day does raise a few eyebrows over here. Maybe this is a brand new internship model we hadn’t thought of before.
Thrash Hits blog has more to say on the matter.

Sorry if this is a bit ‘You’ve Been Framed’. But still.

Really?

“Yeah guys, THAT’S the album cover!”

This prick will not stop emailling us.

Watch one of his many covers bands ram Stanford Music Festival.

Christ.

Last weekend, Shut Up Bands went on holiday by mistake.

A rapper has made thousands of nuisance 999 calls to police over the past 18 months.

Since January 2009, the man has plagued Greater Manchester Police by making thousands of calls where he chants, sings, raps, preaches and plays loud music to call handlers.

What a knobber.

Thom Yorke says “don’t sign to a major label – they’re dying”. The Radiohead singer, who wouldn’t be in a position to sell albums on a ‘pay what you want’ basis and make huge wonga out of it had his band not had the support of Parlophone for the course of six albums, has been advising young musicians that it is “only a matter of time – months rather than years – before the music business establishment completely folds.”

Yeah, that’ll happen. In months. No more music biz for you. Hurrah!

Meanwhile, EMI chief Charles Allen says the company is in “really good shape” and that the first part of their new investment will buy EMI “at least a year”. SEE, THOM? YOU’RE WRONG. EMI has a debt of £3bn. That’s three billion. Good luck with that.

Source: loads of websites. Can’t be arsed linking. Go Google it or something.

If you were involved with this activity then you are a fucking moron.

Susan Boyle = David Lynch? My my Guardian website, you’re going to be getting a lot of hits today.

Gigwise reports on RATM and Susan Boyle.

“Frontman Zac De La Rocha said the group wanted Boyle to perform their chart-topper ‘Killing In The Name’ with them as a peace offering to Simon Cowell, who signed both artists.”

Since when did Simon Cowell sign RATM? Let us Google that for you, Gigwise.

UPDATE: MAR 5TH, 6.45pm. THE WEBSITE IS CURRENTLY OFFLINE.

UPDATE: MAR 24TH. IN RECORD TIME, THE COMPANY HAS GONE UNDER. WE’LL KEEP THIS STORY UP FOR HISTORICAL REASONS THOUGH. ER, ENJOY?

There seems to be some confusion as to what this website actually does. Styling itself as an ‘alternative’ music PR site and using an excessive amount of exclamation marks on its “about us” page (which is the same as its “how it works” page), it describes itself as a “very low cost, modern and eco friendly, fully automated ‘one stop shop’ putting you in complete control of your releases and campaigns. You write your own press releases, you invite journalists to gigs, you can send a journalist one or multiple tracks in the same submission and for the same cost!!! Its very quick and easy to do…. All our journalists are well known and respected and write for all the top music publications as well as national papers and numerous other glossy magazines.”

Indeed, the rotating banners at the top of the page boast of a list of clients (or are they targets?) from NME to Loaded to Time Out to, uh, The London Paper (which went under last year).

Like using any PR company, a band is not guaranteed of receiving a review in any specific publication. What happens is that a journalist will receive payment from Men From The Press for giving a band feedback on their music. It’s up to the journo (well, let’s face it, in most cases it’s actually up to the journo’s editor) whether or not they’ll do anything more about it. Like giving them some press.

But what’s causing a ruckus is the newly introduced and irritatingly apostrophed “Journo’s And Pub’s” page, which lists journos and how much you, as a band, need to pay Men From The Music Press for their ‘feedback’, described by the site as “the submission fee we charge to cover admin and Journalist expenses.” We won’t be surprised if the journos start contacting them to take down their names, but at time of writing there’s an NME journo whose opinion is worth £15, an Observer journo who’s worth £8… and a writer for The Fly who is worth 10p. Indeed, the journo from Blowback magazine is worth more, at £6.50. Blowback went under in 2007.

Well, you have hand it to them for trying something new… haven’t you?

“wow thanks for posting the most uninformative video ever”

This is one of the most pointless wastes of internets we’ve ever come across. Way to go!

Harvey Goldsmith – eat your heart out, pal.

Hey! Musicians! Unless you have the necessary journalistic skills to counter-attack, you will generally just end up looking like a tit. Like the guy who responded to this review.

His gig at vicar st was truly amazing and I wish I could be in oz to see him play the Garden Party Festival. Once again those who have no idea what they are talking about or who are jealous I recommend to keep it to yourself or seriously you risk deformation suit for your comments. The song was given 5 stars by the irish times and three by the irish sun and a similar view in the hot press. WHO ARE YOU???

Brilliant.

[via DiS]

This guy is a massive bellend.