“sorry about the cocks” – a press release of grave importance

During the recent ‘civil unrest’ in London the UK, Twitter was alight with anguish, outrage and fear. But you could always rely on those comedians tucked away in Scotchland (Edinburgh, to be precise) who were still heroically, self-righteously plugging their shows via the social network. It was a beautiful sight. On the ground level, one man had a few aesthetic plans for the city itself and has had to issue a very important press release regarding his actions. I hope he’s feeling very, very ashamed.

Sorry About The Cocks

Kunt and the Gang would like to apologise to anyone who is upset about the ‘crudely drawn cock’ stickers that have been appearing all over posters in Edinburgh. When we had 5000 of the cock stickers printed in the run up to the Fringe Festival we just thought it would be a light-hearted alternative to flyers. The plan was to give them to our audience each night so they could go out and vote with their cocks by sticking them in amusing places on posters. It was intended to be one big jolly jape that everyone laughed along with. This I now know was a badly misjudged joke that horribly backfired.

Unfortunately it was brought to our attention that some comedians were extremely angry at seeing their posters adorned with an effigy of a male member. This culminated in myself being physically threatened by one irate comic who failed to see the funny side of his poster being decorated by a member of the public with a crudely drawn image of a man’s winky.

Further to this, after only four nights of the audience being handed stickers at the end of my show, I received a warning from the Fringe Police and was told that Underbelly had threatened action should any more of my stickers be handed out. I suspect the cock that broke the camel’s back was the penis that ended up in Christine Hamilton’s wine glass on their flagship poster on Bristo Square. The same night I received a visit at my venue from Edinburgh Council EnvironmentalDept. who told us that they had spent the day pulling off over a hundred cocks. They showed us examples of cocks they had found on posters, including the one of Russell Kane with his mouth open, the one of Richard Herring lying on a bed and the one of the Spank Comedy Club with that bird bending over. I gave them my assurance to that no more cock stickers would be given out.

I would like to take this opportunity to say my cocks were not meant maliciously or designed to annoy anyone and I sincerely apologise if one of my cocks got up anyone’s nose. Admittedly I didn’t think it through properly. I mistakenly thought everyone would share my enthusiasm for seeing Edinburgh covered in crudely drawn cocks for a month. In retrospect I realise I was like America selling Weapons of Mass Destruction to the Middle East without a thought for who my cock shaped missiles would be affecting. Furthermore I would also like to apologise to any of the performers who have had a cock removed and are now left where the sticker once was or a ‘ghost cock’. I’m sorry if my cock cheesed ayone off.

Kunt (Kunt and the Gang)

EDIT: Photos of the offending cocks can be found here.

EDIT #2: After another THREE (3) ‘press releases’ about this, we’ve decided it just isn’t funny anymore but will keep on the site for ‘historical’ reasons.

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Responses to ““sorry about the cocks” – a press release of grave importance”

  1. “I received a visit at my venue from Edinburgh Council EnvironmentalDept. who told us that they had spent the day pulling off over a hundred cocks.” – This has just made my day.

    Mike commented on August 17th, 2011 at 11:13 am

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